[This photo because it was an accident but I thought it was beautiful and it reminded me of trelvix’s work, except missing the word poetry. I showed it to him. He said something both sweet and humble and that’s one of the last times I “spoke” to him.]
Totally unrelated BUT VERY GOOD NEWS EXCITING story: Just got off the phone with a former client. Really great guy. Sort of like an Elvis according some of his students. (I don’t think they’d appreciate the comparison but it’s 100% accurate unless you’d rather I start talking about the Donny Osmond, Danny Partridge, the Jackson 5.)
[Please also note I said an Elvis, not just plain Elvis. Metaphor. I apologize in advance for being an asshole and not editing but not really sorry, no.]
Anyway. I just got off the phone with this guy and I feel like I just spent the weekend with a holy man. My former client, whose name I’m not going to share, told me that he is usually able to solve the problems of anyone he cares about by writing a check, that he realizes he can’t this time, and if I ever think of something else he can do, please let him know.
I also told him that last January, at the first class of his I attended, the first thing he and his co-teacher did was ask us to write what we were hoping to get out of the training we were about to start. I wrote down that my personal goal was “authenticity”. I knew what the word meant, but I don’t know why I wrote it. It was a “muse” kind of thing, which usually only happens when I’m freewriting. It knew it was worth exploring.
But I started thinking about it that week in January 2012 and looking at me now, I’m closer than I’ve ever been. To authenticity. Living an authentic life, even though I’m not yet totally sure what that means. What that means and how am I going to get there. And former client and co-teacher taught me how to shed my armor and get there. I made sure he got that.
Former client also offered to help me financially. I assured him Bean and I are comfortable as long as my parents and brother are here and my dad is nearby and that they are all helping me, each in a completely different and totally necessary way. We are in no danger of being homeless and hungry, I said. He had me promise I’d call him directly if that changed or something unexpected came up. I agreed. I asked him if it would be OK if I sent him holiday cards ever year. He seemed to really like that idea, and now, for the first time in my life, I’m going to send holiday cards.
Other positives I told him and should tell you: I’m getting the medical care I need, including physical therapy, which is going to change my body. I’m still young and strong enough I can manage my pain simply by relearning how to *really *listen to my physical self. (I assume most people do this naturally, but what do I know. Maybe we’re all makeshift.)
Did I mention that this was scheduled phone call I’d been dreading? And that this was the resolution of a situation that’s been eating away at me since January. Well, he called and I saw the call in time EVEN THOUGH THE RINGER WAS OFF. I answered, and after we finished with small talk I went straight to the heart of the matter and cut away everything unessential and said yes, I checked out the second half of February, because I knew my contract wasn’t being renewed and it was childish but my feelings were hurt because I’d been so committed to the project. Also, my health problems took a bad turn around that time. We talked like that, for maybe 15 or 20 more minutes. We agreed that he’d pay me for the second half of February. I told him didn’t have to. He said it seemed fair to him. So I agreed. Then I told him a little about what was really going on with me personally the second half of February. Not as an excuse but as an explanation. Lots of realness. And I guess that’s why I feel like I was just in the presence of a shaman. Because he’s really that good.
Authenticity. Authenticity. Authenticity.